Thursday, September 20, 2012

What White Men (& Others) Need to Know When Dating A Black Woman

Growing up as a black girl in the suburbs, I was attracted to black boys, brown boys, white didn't really matter. I didn't really notice race, all I cared about was if the boy was cute and nice. As I got into high school, I realized not many guys outside my own race were attracted to me, or if they were, they didn't tell me. So, naturally I dated black boys.

However, now that I am older men of all colors approach me...and I am open to that "alternative". And while I am pretty much comfortable around them because of my background, I wonder if they are comfortable around me...a Black woman. Because of the area I grew up in I was exposed to different types of guys, more than they were exposed to black girls. Sometimes I questioned if they were completely themselves around me ....not wanting to offend me. I often wondered do men of other races hesitate to talk to black women because they don't think they quite understand us?

I have compiled a list of things white men should know about black women.  I think it can be helpful because despite stereotypes, not all women are the same. There are cultural differences that people like to avoid but realistically, they need to be discussed. Of course this list doesn't represent every single Black woman ; this list is from questions I have been asked by curious friends, topics my friends and I have discussed  or just personal opinion I wanted to add. Here ya go!

1. We ARE attracted to men outside our own race. Don't be scared. Approach us with confidence, we will appreciate it.

2. Please don't treat us like we are your "exotic experiment". Date us because you are attracted to us, not because you want to know how it is to date a black girl.

3. Accept and understand that our life experiences are completely different than yours. We have and will experience racism, prejudice and sexism at a level others do not go through. We don't ask for sympathy and don't expect you to have "white guilt". We just ask that you respect that our outlook on life, politics and social issues may differ because of who we are as Black women.

4.Not all Black women are LOUD. Despite the stereotype, many of us are classy, intelligent women who carry ourselves very well.

5. Yes our HAIR is important to us. Whether natural, relaxed or weave please know we spend more time on our hair than other women. Our hair texture, our hair maintenance and the products we use are different. Yes we can and will spend hours in the beauty shop just to get our hair straightened. Can you learn to wrap hair? If so, you are a gem. Honestly, the hair topic should have a whole section of it's own but I'll let your woman explain the rest to you. ;)

6. Include us in your hobbies, even if you think we won't be interested. Just let us know in advance if you want to go to the beach so we know not to get our hair done. ;)

7. Many of us are not size ZEROS. You see this tiny waist and big butt?

8.  Black women are not pushovers. We will let you know our opinion, respectfully.

Which brings me to my next point...

9. Not all Black women have ATTITUDES. Having a stern tone does not mean an attitude. When we give you the "duck lips" face and ignore you, THEN you can say we have an attitude. However, I've been told that many white guys find the aggression sexy. Lol

10. We will joke around about white people and others just like we would if we weren't with you. Just because we are dating you doesn't mean we are blind to differences. Don't be intimidated to talk about it. We don't have to agree. Oh, and don't get offended if we say "look at that stupid white boy." We're not talking about you or all white boys, just THAT stupid white boy.

11. We are very family oriented. Get to know our family and bring us around yours....if they aren't embarrassing.

12. Collectively Black women do have trust issues. If you do your best to show us you won't hurt us like the others then we will make sure not to carry over any past relationship issues into the present.

13. We may be strong but we love a man that can take charge. Don't let our strength be the reason why you feel you can't be a man and lead. Correct us if need be; we don't like punks.